For those of you who are tired of the political ranting and looking for photos of California Cycling locales, I want to tell you that this Proposition and the arguments behind it are personal and that's why I've switched my focus (and that cycling photos will resume shortly). I'm not married. I don't really think about getting married. It's still personal.
The attacks are implicitly and sometimes explicitly saying that gays don't deserve to be treated the same as everyone else. People deny this. They say there are a host of other reasons -- then they start spouting off their knowledge of the law.
I've got to tell you, I love the law. I love it for its hopes and aspirations, for its flaws and wrong turns, for its history, and for what it could be. So when people start using the law to further their own ignorance and arguments that have no basis in fact, and were largely gathered from what they learned on those super-accurate court dramas (or, now, from their pastors), it's personal. It's a personal attack on something that's of monumental importance.
When the legal arguments run out, it comes down to 'I don't have to accept homosexuality and you can't make me.' I don't want to make anyone do anything. But understand that this is personal. Being on this side of discrimination and on the receiving end of the hate is painful and scary and profoundly disappointing. I know that people don't think it's about hate or fear or about gay people in particular. It is, though. Taking away someone's rights, singling out a group, and then belittling the importance of it is unfair and wrong and it's not what this state or this country should be known for.
I'm a community-minded person. I think that people are stronger together than separate. I think that working hard for other people is better than going home and watching tv. I know I can only do so much. I know I can't fight for every cause. But when I can, I do, and it's better than not. We're all connected. I know that the ramifications of this issue are not just about me, or just about being gay, or just about any one thing. It's about how we as a society want to relate to each other. We as a people.
The 'hate the sin, love the sinner' does not absolve the attack(er), in my mind. Being told that people Hate something that goes to the core of who I am, oh but don't worry, I'm still loved . . . it's bulls**t (excuse me). I am my successes, my failures, my love, my family, my work, my joy, my pain, my life. Telling me that you hate the 'gayness' is not going to make me straight. It's not going to make me go to hell. It's not going to 'preserve your marriage.'
It's going to drive a wedge between us that no amount of loving the sinner can remove.
This battle is as hurtful and divisive as it is hopeful and unifying. The support from unlikely sources is heartening, even as I'm dismayed at the coalition of churches who aim to pass Prop 8. When you get tired of hearing about Prop 8 and the connected issues, when you are ready to blow it off and minimize its importance, think of the individual it singles out. Think of your friends and neighbors. Think of the constitution that is worth nothing if it does not protect us -- all of us. Think of yourself and your place in our community (large and small). And when you start to say, "yeah, I'm voting yes, but it's nothing personal," think again.
It's personal.
**The "Yes" campaign is calling folks and explaining to them that if they support gay marriage, they should vote yes on Prop 8. Make sure your friends and family know that voting NO preserves equality.**
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5 comments:
"It's going to drive a wedge between us that no amount of loving the sinner can remove."
This makes me sad. How do we live with and love others even with these wedges? Is that possible? I don't know, but hope so.
Many people very close to me are Prop 8 supporters. How can I still have good relationships with them?
I don't know either, whether it's possible. I think perhaps it is. For me, right now, it's not. Maybe after the dust settles. Maybe when we can all move on. There are lots of issues on which my close friends (and family) disagree -- they are not all deal-breakers. I think we have the capacity to put our own stuff aside and have relationships (that's generally what family is, anyway, isn't it?), find common ground, and continue to be loving, compassionate people. But . . . your next question --
Re: how you can still have good relationships with them -- I don't know that either. I think that depends on how personal this is for you. Whether it's more important to you than the relationship. Whether it taints the relationship. For me, right now, it is and it does. It's too much of an issue, and I can't find myself saying, 'even though you believe I don't deserve the same rights as others, even though you want to bastardize the law, even though you want to use (abuse?) your religion for political avenues, I value you and our relationship.'
Like I said, for me, it's that personal. But I understand that for others, it's not a central issue and they can appreciate the folks in their lives who take a different stance.
This goes to the core of who I am though, and I think that instead of maintaining relationships where I know the other person has little respect for me (though s/he might consider it in the abstract), I am better off letting the relationship go as compassionately as possible.
Ordinarily I don't like such dichotomous thinking; given the nature of this campaign, however, I can't find a middle ground.
Perhaps for you, this is an issue that you can set aside for the sake of the relationship.
I know I don't really understand what it's like to be in your shoes here, but it sounds like it would be extremely hard. I must thank you for helping me with your insight into this issue. As recent as a few months ago I didn't understand why it was so personal, but it makes a lot more sense now.
Two months ago I was glad I didn't live in CA so I wouldn't have to face being a Mormon and having to vote on Prop 8. Now I wish I was there to vote against it.
Thanks for putting so much thought into it. I'm happy to engage in this on-going dialogue (even though it's pretty raw lately).
I wish you were here too. We need more people like you.
Amen to that.
HMR, I'm not sure which feminist icon of the '60s or '70s coined the phrase "the personal is political" but it's true, for sure. I was feeling resentful that such a personal issue has to be so political...but then I couldn't think of any really crucial personal issues that haven't been political issues at some point. The status of women and African-Americans. The forced relocation of native people. Healthcare. Welfare. Living wages. Getting killed or all screwed up in Vietnam or Iraq or Afghanistan. Even religion...or those pilgrims wouldn't have sailed and the pioneers wouldn't have crossed the plains. We are all so...grotesquely, sometimes...involved and implicated in the lives and the happiness or misery of total strangers. What is so scary is that it seems like we're oblivious to this fact more often than not. So often people call it all "politics" and sort of gloss over it, especially if it's not "their" family's wellbeing at stake. It is political, and it is very, very personal. Thanks for your effort to remind people of this.
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